SPOILER ALERT-Preacher- Season Two-Do not read if you have not seen episode ten of Preacher.
Quotes of the Week- “Your power is inspiring.” “I Humperdoo.“
Dirty Little Secret opens in ancient times where a man (Jesus) and a woman are engaging in very energetic sex over a considerable amount of time and positions. Jesus asks the woman to keep it secret that they have had sex. His disciples arrive to take him to meet Judas. One of the disciples, Thaddeus, realizes what has transpired between Jesus and the woman. He promises to keep their secret.
In the present, Herr Starr is still talking to Jesse at the bar. He brings out two binders which will provide an overview of the scope of The Grail’s reach. Herr Starr tells Jesse that The Grail works with “hand in glove” with Heaven. Jesse asks Herr Starr about the current location of God. Herr Starr answers that he has no idea where God is. Herr Starr offers the resources of The Grail to help Jesse find God. In a sudden, totally unexpected move, Jesse grabs one of the binders, uses it to knock Herr Starr off his barstool, and demands in the voice of Genesis to know where God is. Herr Starr truthfully answers that he does not know where God is, but he tells Jesse that he knows that God was last seen in New Orleans. Herr Starr makes a call before he takes Jesse to a car where he places a hood over Jesse’s head. They depart for a secret location.
Meanwhile, back at Denis’ apartment, Tulip is still having nightmares about The Saint of Killers. She goes to Cassidy’s room where he and Denis are entertaining two women who are scantily dressed. Cassidy invites Tulip to join them but she says that she will make breakfast.
As Tulip is making breakfast, Lara knocks on the door. Lara has come for her gun; which Tulip returns to her. Lara notices that Tulip is troubled because she is putting the eggshells into the bowl of scrambled eggs. Lara asks repeatedly if Tulip is all right but Tulip answers yes until she realizes what she is doing with the eggs. Tulip starts to silently cry as Lara cleans up a broken egg off of the floor. Lara perfectly plays the part of a solicitous, caring friend.
At The Grail headquarters, Jesse passes through a metal detector a couple of times before he removes a spent bullet from one of his pockets. He enters Herr Starr’s office where he meets the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury. Jesse is clearly surprised to be introduced to these icons of the Catholic and Anglican churches. When Jesse asks them why God has gone missing, the Archbishop tells a tale of angels revolting against God. The Pope makes a derisive sound before he says that the Archbishop’s tale is just bunk. The Pope claims that God is off creating a new race of beings. It is clear from their discussion that they have no idea where God is. However, the Pope believes “the boy” will know. Herr Starr ushers the Pope and the Archbishop out. Jesse asks about Herr Starr about the boy and finally compels Herr Starr to answer the question. The boy is the Messiah.
Back at Denis’ apartment, Tulip is telling Lara the entire story about the search for God, The Saint of Killers, and Viktor. Tulip tells Lara that Jesse sent The Saint of Killers to Hell after they found him a soul. Although Lara agrees that Jesse is telling the truth, she tells Tulip to trust her instincts. Lara expertly manipulates Tulip’s fear of The Saint of Killers while appearing to calm Tulip’s fear. Lara provides a bogus story about her ex lying to her about quitting drinking. In the story, Rodney has not quit drinking. While they are talking, Denis and his date come out of Denis’ bedroom followed by Cassidy. He tells Tulip that they are going out on the town. Lara tells Tulip that she finds Cassidy attractive. Tulip is astonished by Lara’s confession.
In the past, the son of Christ is born. Thaddeus takes the baby from the mother and has her killed. In the present, Herr Starr tells Jesse the history and purpose of Christ’s descendants. Jesse uses the voice of Genesis to demand to be taken to the see the descendant. Herr Starr, of course, agrees.
In New Orleans, Cassidy, Denis, and their dates are at a nightclub. Denis loses control with his date in a photo booth and he tries to bite her. She runs out screaming and grabs her friend before leaving the club. Cassidy lectures Denis like a father lecturing his teenage son about the changes to his body and the need to gratify his new desires. He tells Denis that he has to control those desires. When Cassidy looks in the booth, he sees the photograph where Denis is trying to bite his date.
Meanwhile, at the apartment, Lara is still expertly playing her role as a friend. However, in a moment when she is talking to Tulip, she lets slip a fact about Tulip’s past that Tulip has not disclosed to her. Although Lara tries to play it off, she strategically retreats to the bathroom to call Hoover for backup.
Tulip confronts Lara about her slip but as Tulip is about to beat the truth from Lara, Hoover arrives, pretending to be Lara’s drunken ex, Rodney. Tulip saves Lara from ‘Rodney.’ Lara has expertly manipulated both Tulip and Jesse into falling for ‘saving the damsel in distress’ routine. As Tulip bandages Lara’s cut, she ‘notices’ the loose tile and tells Tulip that she should repair it.
Herr Starr takes Jesse to meet Christ’s descendant. Herr Starr has made Jesse wear a hood for the entire journey. When they reach their final destination, Herr Starr removes Jesse’s hood and introduces him to Christ’s descendant. Jesse gets down on his knees before the descendant and asks for if he is on the right path. He tells the Christ child he does not know even what to call him. Herr Starr says they call him “Humperdoo” before Humperdoo urinates on Jesse. Humperdoo is appears to be a twin of Christ except it is apparent that he is disfigured from genetic defects. Herr Starr attributes Humperdoo’s mental deficiency and his deformed appearance to inbreeding through the years to keep the divine line pure.
As Humperdoo pets Herr Starr’s head, Jesse looks at the pictures drawn by Humperdoo. The pictures are of the man/dog the group encountered in episode three, Damsels. This is the man/dog the group was shown when they first started looking for God in New Orleans. The coincidence is too great for there not be some significance in the drawings and the man/dog. Jesse is so frustrated by the situation that he uses the voice of Genesis to ask where God is. The poor Christ child grabs his head and starts crying. The guards come into the room to calm him down.
At the apartment, as Tulip looks for tools to repair the broken tile in the bathroom, Cassidy arrives home without Denis. Lara and Hoover observe Tulip and Cassidy. Lara wishes that she had been able to kill Tulip but Hoover reminds her about their orders to break up Tulip’s relationship with Jesse, not kill her.
When Tulip goes to repair the tile in the bathroom, she finds the weapons that Jesse kept when he left The Saint of Killers in the armored truck at the bottom of the swamp. Tulip takes the weapons and places them on the kitchen table, where she waits patiently to confront Jesse.
In The Grail SUV, Herr Starr explains to Jesse what he meant when he said he could help Jesse. Herr Starr tells Jesse that his moment of epiphany came when he was being sodomized by local ruffians. The look on Jesse’s face is priceless as he listens to Herr Starr’s tale.
Herr Starr offers to help Jesse become the new God, since the old God cannot be found. Jesse deduces that the entire chain of events leading to meeting the Messiah was orchestrated by Herr Starr. He vociferously declines to take Herr Starr offer. He says his friends will help him find God. At that moment, Denis arrives home, smiling, with blood covering his mouth and clothes. Herr Starr tells Jesse to think about it.
This was another incredible episode going from the sublime (Tulip’s continued PTSD) to the ridiculous (the descendant of Christ suffering from severe inbreeding and lack of control). Both Jesse and Tulip have been masterfully manipulated by pure evil. Unfortunately for Jesse, he has been given great power but not the wisdom to use it.
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